learning to swim
I’m not sure if anyone still reads this, but I think I’m going to start using it again regardless.
Hello.
Well, one week into my senior year, it’s hard to get a feel for what new routines I’ll have to settle into. I know it’s just the first week, but I can’t help feeling like this is going to be an easy semester… compared to the summer anyway.
I’m living in a third floor apartment on the corner of Troy and Ainslie, a block or so off campus to the east. My decision to move off campus last year was a pretty easy one. Honestly, I was tired of living in the campus bubble. It seemed like North Parkers loved to talk about community and being an intentionally urban campus (so to speak). But it rings a bit false when it comes out that none of us know a single name of anyone who lives in the neighborhood.
So, Pete and I decided to move. We had grand visions of throwing parties in our apartment and inviting the stairwell. We were excited about knowing the names and stories of all our guests, playing with their children, and maybe being a part of a community a bit more typical of Chicago.
Now, I know it’s only a week into this thing for me, but it’s not going too well. My warm “good mornings” and enthusiastic hellos are rarely met with even a glance in return. The adults probably think I’m crazy or suspicious or something. The kids are the only ones who do much more than acknowledge my presence and I have fun kicking their soccer ball around with them for a moment or two before I feel like a creep and decide to continue on my way.
There’s a church on the corner north of me that has services in Spanish that I was thinking of attending. But is it weird to go to church just to meet people?
I spent some time in Logan Square tonight. There are so many beautiful people riding around on beautiful bikes. Everywhere you look there’s another indie kid with some sweet 70’s ride and it’s hard for me not to immediately wish i lived the 3 miles south of Albany Park, nearer to these people, my age, my race, with my interests perhaps. But I don’t actually want that. I like Albany Park. It’s an incredibly diverse area and my building is no exception. There is a lot of suffering here and I feel it in waves. There have been two 16 year olds killed on this street in the past 2 years (those are only the ones I know of). I heard gunshots in the distance last night. It’s doesn’t make me afraid, just sad. And I don’t want to be in a place where I can ignore things like that. So Albany Park it is.
But what good does it do to recognize pain if you aren’t responding to it? This is my conundrum. I feel woefully unprepared for building community. Off campus, nobody’s pushing the “campus to community” agenda or leaving their doors open for passers by to stop in and say hello. The real world is nothing like that and I feel lost in what I just jumped into.
I got a job at REI, selling things. I hope I don’t lose my soul.
